Christmas 2018

Another Eve of Christmas moving through the night. Just like all the others, no tree, no presents, no stockings, and no love. My life is different. Though, I am not unique in this fact, it does not make living it any easier. I watch the movies, read the stories, and often find myself wishing I could have lived a more ordinary life. But, then, what is fun about being ordinary?

To say I have been floating without direction would be inaccurate. I have just been aimless without cause, but not for lack of trying. My dependence on others is shameful and part of my listless diability. I try to focus, but often realize my mind drifts elsewhere. Headaches come and go. Like, right now, I have a bit of a head-cold, or whatever it is, and my coughing and runny nose make it difficult to remain focused on what I want to do, write a cohesive blog entry here.

I know this one is going on a bit longer than usual. That is because I am using the Bluetooth keyboard connected to my tablet to type this prose out. I promise you, nothing this long could possibly be crafted on the touch-screen keyboard. It would be too tiresome and complicated.

The day will pass. Onwards to 2019! What can be accomplished? Should I stir up trouble by making predictions? I have never been very successful at making predictions. I may try to do so with my next post. Stay tuned for more.

Nearly half done

clouds

Nearing the midway point of my first Geekwise Academy class and I am not sure how to rate myself. I am having fun and learning new skills, gaining knowledge about how to code a website that I did not have prior to this Websites for Beginners class. I get excited about this new info during class, but outside of it, I lack focus and ambition to use these new skills or info. I am lost and no one understands that. I try to explain to those who will listen, but I can not expect miracles. I am only asking for further guidance and for someone to take the time to help me along this journey. Is that too much to ask for?

I have sought out my own family, but, as I have stated before, they refuse to help. Monetary is not true guidance or help, it is but one part of the overall puzzle. I need assistance finding those remaining pieces. The knowledge of those pieces is what I lack.

It is all I can do to maintain a sense of self in this rush-rush world that I occupy and my laughter hides my truest fears, of being alone and completely misunderstood. I am awkward and my actions are weird, but I am harmless and sensitive if given the opportunity to show it. I can be a friend, though I have trouble with friendships. My communication skills are pitiful, to be blunt and honest. I enjoy and much prefer to talk your head off in person and I apologize ahead-of-time if I am annoying to you or others. It is not my intention ever to be rude or annoying, I am just weird like that. We are all weird in some way.

So, I thank you for reading this post and wish you a pleasant day.